Healthy Relationships
The question of what constitutes a healthy relationship can be a tricky one and sometimes the best consultant is someone who is a professional.
Darlene Hopkins, Director of Counseling, Psychological and Disability Services here at Methodist has a Master’s degree in Psychology and has been working as a counselor for 25 years. She has counseled thousands of individuals and couples throughout her years as a psychologist.
I sat down for a Q and A with Hopkins about all kinds of relationships. Here’s what she had to say.
Q: What constitutes a healthy relationship between friends?
A: A healthy relationship between friends involves both give and takes but also equality. The good times together should outweigh the bad. Keep in mind that irritations are present in any kind of relationship.
Q: What is the best way to deal with a friend who is possessive over your friendship or someone else's friendship with you?
A: Communication is the key. When something is difficult between you and your friend, you have the choice of whether to accept it or try to change it. If you want to try to initiate a change, then clear communication is necessary. You must say what you are intending without being mean. But anyone can do it.
Q: What constitutes a healthy relationship between boyfriends and girlfriends?
A: The only difference is the level of intimacy. Even when the couple becomes lovers, the same ideas apply: give and take, equality and enjoyment of each others' company. Do the good times outweigh the bad? Can we talk things over and negotiate a way that works for both of us? These are the questions you ask yourself. If the answers are 'yes' then it's a healthy and strong relationship. If you come up with “no” answers then you have some decisions to make. Is the relationship good enough that it is worth the effort to try and negotiate solutions to the bad parts?
Q: Are men's emotions different from women's?
A: Yes, usually they are. Our brains are different and that leads to different responses to situations. And we are socialized differently which will exaggerate the differences. Women tend to cry more easily when upset, and men tend to get angry more easily. Not all people fit within this description. Women tend to be wired to pay attention to connections between people, and men are wired to pay attention to tasks that need to be done. Of course, there are exceptions.
Q: How do you think a balance can be created when men and women's emotions are so different?
A: Differences are good and keep things exciting! It’s good for us to learn how people respond differently to things. If everyone could take a relationship as an opportunity to learn all about the one you love, if you could take an interest in them, then seeing it as an opportunity to get to know each other better then conflict is not going to be an issue.
Q: What do you think is the proper balance within a relationship in regards to alone time verses group time?
A: The best way to balance a relationship is the idea of equality. I’m equally allowed to express myself my way and you are equally allowed to express yourself your way. How this ultimately works out is up to individual couples.
Q: What is your advice on the best way to handle long distance relationships?
A: Long distance relationships are both wonderful and difficult. The important thing to remember is to stay in touch in whatever way possible in order to keep a level of intimacy deep, and people can work that out in different ways.
Q: What advice do you have for those who want to be in a relationship but cannot seem to find the right person?
A: Work on yourself. Work to deepen relationship with yourself and become the person that you want to be with. Putting the focus on yourself keeps you interesting. Desperation is not attractive. What’s attractive is being a person who is interesting.
Q: How should couples plan special or different kinds of events together?
A: They can read to each other and then discuss with one another what they read. Try interesting new activities such as going for a drive to another town, having a meal at a restaurant, or just driving somewhere, then sitting together and talking in a vehicle. Playing board games in a different setting like a library is also a fun. Another idea is try taking a dance class together.
For more information or advice contact Darlene Hopkins in the Center for Personal Development at 910-630-7150.
Darlene Hopkins, Director of Counseling, Psychological and Disability Services here at Methodist has a Master’s degree in Psychology and has been working as a counselor for 25 years. She has counseled thousands of individuals and couples throughout her years as a psychologist.
I sat down for a Q and A with Hopkins about all kinds of relationships. Here’s what she had to say.
Q: What constitutes a healthy relationship between friends?
A: A healthy relationship between friends involves both give and takes but also equality. The good times together should outweigh the bad. Keep in mind that irritations are present in any kind of relationship.
Q: What is the best way to deal with a friend who is possessive over your friendship or someone else's friendship with you?
A: Communication is the key. When something is difficult between you and your friend, you have the choice of whether to accept it or try to change it. If you want to try to initiate a change, then clear communication is necessary. You must say what you are intending without being mean. But anyone can do it.
Q: What constitutes a healthy relationship between boyfriends and girlfriends?
A: The only difference is the level of intimacy. Even when the couple becomes lovers, the same ideas apply: give and take, equality and enjoyment of each others' company. Do the good times outweigh the bad? Can we talk things over and negotiate a way that works for both of us? These are the questions you ask yourself. If the answers are 'yes' then it's a healthy and strong relationship. If you come up with “no” answers then you have some decisions to make. Is the relationship good enough that it is worth the effort to try and negotiate solutions to the bad parts?
Q: Are men's emotions different from women's?
A: Yes, usually they are. Our brains are different and that leads to different responses to situations. And we are socialized differently which will exaggerate the differences. Women tend to cry more easily when upset, and men tend to get angry more easily. Not all people fit within this description. Women tend to be wired to pay attention to connections between people, and men are wired to pay attention to tasks that need to be done. Of course, there are exceptions.
Q: How do you think a balance can be created when men and women's emotions are so different?
A: Differences are good and keep things exciting! It’s good for us to learn how people respond differently to things. If everyone could take a relationship as an opportunity to learn all about the one you love, if you could take an interest in them, then seeing it as an opportunity to get to know each other better then conflict is not going to be an issue.
Q: What do you think is the proper balance within a relationship in regards to alone time verses group time?
A: The best way to balance a relationship is the idea of equality. I’m equally allowed to express myself my way and you are equally allowed to express yourself your way. How this ultimately works out is up to individual couples.
Q: What is your advice on the best way to handle long distance relationships?
A: Long distance relationships are both wonderful and difficult. The important thing to remember is to stay in touch in whatever way possible in order to keep a level of intimacy deep, and people can work that out in different ways.
Q: What advice do you have for those who want to be in a relationship but cannot seem to find the right person?
A: Work on yourself. Work to deepen relationship with yourself and become the person that you want to be with. Putting the focus on yourself keeps you interesting. Desperation is not attractive. What’s attractive is being a person who is interesting.
Q: How should couples plan special or different kinds of events together?
A: They can read to each other and then discuss with one another what they read. Try interesting new activities such as going for a drive to another town, having a meal at a restaurant, or just driving somewhere, then sitting together and talking in a vehicle. Playing board games in a different setting like a library is also a fun. Another idea is try taking a dance class together.
For more information or advice contact Darlene Hopkins in the Center for Personal Development at 910-630-7150.
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